Wake up my Heart!

Ahhhh. Life. How surprising you are! I've gone through phases; as a Sociology major in college I was taught there is no "Truth" with a Capital "T". Then, as a Christian, I began to believe in the word. Not just part of it. Not just for fun. Actually believe. That God is who he says he is and because of that, I am who he says I am! Then the capital letter seemed very important. If you think of the Bible as truth, little t, I think there is lots of room for grey. Grey leads us to a line from my favorite Hollyn song, "I can be a little punk sometimes." :) I'm trying really hard not to be too punk-ish right now. I fail every day. Little fails of doubt and questions...but at the end of it, that capital T, Truth comes back into my heart. It's the only thing that brings me comfort, heals the hurt, presents with me with promises I know are true, helps me lessen the worry and focus on today, brings me joy, and helps me find that no matter what, I...

Confession. I'm a pessimist.  I don't think that really portrays itself well. I feel most of you would view me as an optimist, or at least somewhat positive, but I have found that if I expect the bad, then I can be more excited when the good happens. But this means I typically expect the not-so-good. I need a change in attitude. Confession number 2. I take things very personally. I love, love, love to be affirmed. It is my love language and oh, how I need it. When I'm not affirmed my brain goes to every negative place and my self esteem plummets. This is so bad that it doesn't necessarily mean people have to say something bad; I can read all kinds of things into the words you DO NOT say.  God is telling me to stop both of these things. Just stop. And the amazing thing is I can feel my heart changing. Actually changing. Fast. Because I didn't feel like this 24 hours ago :)  Sunday at church as I was pondering all these things I was hurt by ...

Today I was reminded of a story I've heard twice at women's conferences and have yet to put it into practice. I'm going to attempt to share it with you. Our story is from Matthew 9: "Jesus stepped into a boat, crossed over and came to his own town. Some men brought to him a paralyzed man, lying on a mat. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the man, “Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.” At this, some of the teachers of the law said to themselves, “This fellow is blaspheming!” Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts? Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the paralyzed man, “Get up, take your mat and go home.” Then the man got up and went home. My focus today is the mat. Have you ever pondered the mat before? This paralyzed man most likely lived on this mat. Can you ima...

As I sit here this morning, I'm amused at how God is influencing me this year - already - through these studies I started just *hoping* He would! A question written in my "Identity" study posed the question, "When, God, out of compassion, confronts you regarding your sin, are you like Adam and Eve and become afraid and hide? Do you point the finger at others? Or maybe you find yourself "naked" before God." This of course made me try and think about how God is confronting me lately and something unexpected popped in my head. I've been letting the negative things in my life overshadow the Truth that I know.   I've got some not-so-awesome stuff going on right now. I hear things about myself that are not so positive and when I think about those things, my heart gets bitter. And with a bitter heart, my thoughts and my words take a downward spiral. I finger point. Or rather, "word-point" and then I get sad / mad and doubt a lot of who I...

On this journey of mine, of late, I have felt lost more than found. Confused rather than certain. Yet. YET! I started the year attempting two daily "read the bible in one year" things...and now I'm down to one. However, before I stopped the one, I happened to read Genesis 16 two days in a row and was struck both times when Hagar has her encounter with God. The Message version especially made my heart sing: '"You're the God who sees me! Yes! He saw me; and then I saw him!" I know that believing is seeing, but every once and a while, this lady at least, needs to feel seen by God. And yesterday morning, as I was cleaning out a box, I found at the very bottom, in a corner, the necklace my husband got me for my first mothers day. It's a simple cross, but it symbolizes so many things to me. I love this necklace. But I lose things. In the past 6.5 years, I have lost this love twice; certain both times it was gone and then it shows up in the most unlik...

What a week! Good days. Bad days. Those exist because on the bad days, I can't find my peace. My brain won't let focus on it, I'm full of doubt, and the little, daily (fill in the blanks) prove to be the center of my focus. That's not in God's plan for me. God's plan for me is to live in his peace. Always. Regardless of circumstance. Or the state of my heart. Let's delve in to this: It all starts here in James 1:5-8: 5  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God,  who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.   6  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt,  because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.   7  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.   8  Such a person is double-minded  and unstable  in all they do. There are some key words there; when you ask God, you MUST BELIEVE AND NOT DOUBT...if you doubt, your answers ...

Ah. 2017. New Year. New hopes, new aspirations. I will confess this year starts off with uncertainty and that could carry me through the entire year. BUT, there is something I'm gathering God wants me to know this year that will hopefully trump that uncertainty! The thing I most need to focus on and figure out is who I am in Him...and who He is; because I'm guessing I haven't really figured that out yet! Who is this child-of-God self that I claim to be? I can't figure that out until I get a better grasp of God and who HE is! The intro to a study I'm doing this year by Kay Arthur on the names of God states,"So much of our confusion, our pain, our indecision, and our wrong decisions come because we do not know God. We may know about Him--we may know what others know or say about him--but do we know what God says about Himself? Do we know for ourselves who He really is and, therefore, how He conducts Himself in the affairs of mankind?" I certainly don...