Wake up my Heart!

It's been a rough 24 hours on my heart. I can't wrap my head around the death of George Floyd. I can't. It hurts my heart. I am crying as I write this because I know that God's heart is hurting over so much brokenness and the fact that ANY of His children are seen as less than human. My heart has done a lot of hurting over the past month over senseless killings of other people. I know that as a white person, in America, I have the privilege of being able to do just about whatever I want, wherever I want, whenever I want. I also know that if my skin was a different color, I wouldn't be able to - or I could, but I would always be a little afraid. The problem is, I can't change my skin color. And I'm not much of an activist. But I have been called to write some words. This is my "doing" if you will.  Friends, people are people. I have seen through this that it is a white privilege thing to say "I don't see color," because it actually exi...

Well, friends, I have been swept away by the Corona Virus fear. Mainly because I'm afraid of running out of toilet paper. As I couldn't sleep last night I checked Amazon, just for kicks, and they wouldn't be able to ship the kind we use until March 30th! Life is about to get really interesting (or perhaps boring and relaxed) for all of us I think. I've been hoping a verse would come to mind that would help in this situation and as a cure to the no-sleep, one came to mind that played over and over in my brain. Jesus prayed to his Father these words in John 17:15-17: "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world, but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth. Your word is truth." Friends, we are in this fallen world for a reason. However, Jesus himself prayed for your protection in it. Is there anyone better to have praying for you?! No. Emphatically, no. Protection from the...

"One can't believe impossible things," "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast," (Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland). I will confess to having never read Alice in Wonderland, but I adore this quote. What would happen we chose to believe in the "impossible" for 30 minutes a day? What if you replace the idea of impossibility with the idea of faith? What if for 30 minutes a day you had the faith to believe in the things you hope for? I wonder if you truly did that, if you would find yourself believing more  than six "impossible" things before breakfast!  My favorite definition of faith comes directly from Hebrews: "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen," [11:1]. There are a couple of really strong verbs there. Ass...

Hi friends! It's Thursday! Writing day :) I get so excited! Earlier this week I got angry. Righteously angry. Mama bear came out like Jesus getting mad at the fig tree. However, I don't get angry. Really, ever. I get hurt and I internalize. So, it was a new emotion for me, especially because it overwhelmed me to the point of tears! The tears were actually what told me it was righteous anger by the way. It was the tears that also made me think, "Oh, crap, now I have to DO something about this." You see, I avoid confrontation like the plague. But, right now I am in a fantastic place with the Lord and so I let the tears flow for about 1 minute. I also let my son see them. And he asked what was wrong and I said, I can't talk to you about it because I will "not let any unwholesome talk come out of my mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen," (Ephesians 4:29). That happened to b...

We all need a change in perspective sometimes...and mine usually come about from a Holy Spirit nudge about something related to my son. Anyone else get that too?! I wrote a bible study on Genesis. I had grand schemes on changing the world through it because when I started writing, it seemed to be the Holy Spirit impressing upon me that that it would be one of the most important things I would ever do. Well, my puffed up spirit was sure that meant I would publish this thing and the workbook would go viral. Enter reality. I'm tired. I don't have the energy to put into finding a publisher (I've thus far tried one avenue with a shut door) and most likely I'm going to end up on Amazon with friends and family supporting this endeavor. Hopefully ;). (Note, I'll take prayers for the drive to publish!) Two weeks ago now, I received a reminder from the Holy Spirit on that idea of this being supremely important and the perspective change. I dedicated that bible study to ...

Yesterday at church the sermon was on the moment in Acts when the Holy Spirit descends. And the focus was not so much on that amazing arrival, but on what the first act was. Instead of the parting of a river, or the healing of diseases, the first act the Holy Spirit brought about was having people understand each other. The very first act of the Holy Spirit was to bring about community for those who were otherwise separated into groups based on language. Friends. If this is the very first thing the Holy Spirit did; don't you think we should learn from it? We live in a time when separation and division in the church are all I see. And that division hurts my heart. Because if the Holy Spirit meant for us to simply be able to be   with each other and understand each other's words; the hope of the Father is that in that understanding, we love each other. I like to live and breathe in 1 John. And there, we learn, "And he has given us this command: if anyone loves God he must ...

It has been a LONG time. But the Holy Spirit is nudging. Pestering me, really, and I know it won't stop until I put this to "paper" if you will! This is yet another post meant to encourage you mama's out there who, like me, feel like you are failing on a daily basis. The biggest desire of my heart is for my son to know Jesus. And in order for him to do this, I try really hard to demonstrate that love. I fail. Every. Single. Day. I yell too much. I put too much pressure on my kid. I don't take enough times for hugs. I forget to pray in front of him. I am not always full of joy. And I think that those negative things above are the things the my son focuses on. But, thanks to his amazing heart and the grace of God, they are NOT! Last night my insightful kiddo asks me out of the blue who I want to be like when I grow up. I love this to no end because it means he thinks I'm not grown up!! My answer is immediate. Lynda Thompson. That woman has more love in...

In the last few years I have learned to trust God. Pretty implicitly. For my own well being and for life in general. Granted, to learn this, I had to be broken. Then, I had to rise with a different sense of the word "dependent." When it comes to my son, however, I'm still not there. I start sentences with phrases with conjunctions. "I trust God, but..." It's kind of ridiculous how we like to hold on to things we think of as our own, isn't it?! Why in the world do I doubt the God of the universe when it comes to knowing what is best for my son when I can so easily, every day, turn my own life over to Him? And the answer is pretty simple. I don't want my son to get hurt. Physically, sure, but what seems to be the problem of late is an emotional heartbreak that I cannot fix. Do you know the pain of not being able to help your child process something? MAN! I've been wrestling with this because my heart seems to be healed from something that my ...

Here is something you should all know about me by now. I LOVE worship songs. I love songs. Period. But the ones that make my hands turn up to the Lord are my favorite. This Advent season, I've got a new one! Parents: if you do not have your children listen to Slugs and Bugs; please change that. They have fun/crazy/silly songs and 4 straight up - sing the bible - CDs. I am a new owner of their Family Christmas CD and I have had one song on repeat for 2 days. Ready for the lyrics? They are simple: Galatians 4:4-7 (here's a link to song snippets from the CD - you want song number two for a one minute clip which will leave you wanting more! https://slugsandbugs.com/products/sing-the-bible-family-christmas ) When the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, Born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons and because you are sons... God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying ...

My son has this new saying. “Mom do you know what I do? I DO love you!” I love it. It so very accurately portrays love as an action verb. Which I have come to realize, it is. I also work for an organization where the motto really is “Love is a verb”, further defined in a way I think we are meant to compare to the fruits of the Spirit: Patient, humble, respectful, honest, kind, selfless, forgiving, committed. This means it is my job to love people. Can I tell you how wonderful it is to go to work and pray that during my shift I can best show love to the people I am serving?! On my drive, I make a choice. To love when it’s hard. And for the first time I really get Paul’s message in Corinthians. It is not that love is patient or kind. It is that when you DO love; patience IS the love. Kindness is the love. When you forget the wrongs, you are DOING the love. It's hard to put it into words, but there is a difference in loving passively and DOING love. Love is a ver...

This past week, I was in Illinois, quite unexpectedly and had the joy of attending the annual GOYA Ministries benefit. This ministry is near and dear to my heart and my past life and my present life are all crazily intermingled in it. The theme was "what if" and although obviously this was all in reference to how GOYA ministries has helped so many and how it will continue to do so, a couple of those what if comments have been with me, rambling as my thoughts so often do, since Tuesday! In 2011, tragedy hit Mitumba, a slum in Kenya. And here's the take away they presented: what if what the enemy meant for destruction, we could rebuild for hope? What if we have to be broken to be made better? Friends, I don't know what it's like to lose EVERYTHING. In my own life, here as a privileged white person in America, I cannot even begin to comprehend how destroyed and broken Mitumba (and it's people) were in 2011. But I know how broken and destroyed I was from S...

This is for you. You know who you are! Here's my story, concisely and truthfully.  If you asked me if I was a Christian my whole life I would have told you yes. I was Catholic. I knew who Jesus was. The end.  But then I realized that being Catholic doesn't HAVE to mean you are a Christian. It just means you are Catholic. You have to have a relationship with Jesus Christ to be a Christian...and I was missing that piece. And I was aching for it...I just didn't know it.  When I was 25 I became a Christian. I loved the Lord. But my faith was somehow tied to the man who led me to it (the father of my son).  I grew as a Christian during my married life, yes....but I still somehow had a God-shaped hole in my life. I tried to fit my husband in that spot...but he didn't fit. So, after he left my life (in the role of husband anyway), I had ANOTHER hole. Bigger than before. Something had to fill it. I didn't really think that it needed to be Jesus, bec...

Have I told you that I love John? The apostle John. Author John. To some he may seem flowery and repetitive. To me, his words continue to open doors I didn't know were closed :) I'm attempting to memorize 1 John. In weird order, I have done the first chapter and now I'm almost done with the 4th. And learning this book, verse by verse is amazing. When I read normally, I take a chapter (or even Book) at a time and I don't look at the small things. Today I memorized one verse that moved something I thought was heart knowledge into ACTUAL heart knowledge!! 1 John 4:17: In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like him. But now I feel foolish with all this talk of one verse, because you need context there! Let's bring in verses 15-16: "Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is...

Here's another Nathan post...I do wonder if when he's older he will ever see all these posts that revolve around him! In the last week, my son has been having some sleeping problems. Due to bad dreams (1 night) and an increased fear of the dark. That fear has led to some amazing things. He asked Christ into his heart last Monday night...because he was afraid. He has asked Christ into his heart before...but it's been led by me or others. This was all on him and the effects are different. And amazing. The next night, I wrote out my favorite night-time verse: Psalm 4:8 "When I lie down, I go to sleep in peace; you alone, O LORD, keep me perfectly safe." I put it under his pillow while he slept. The next night he was at my place, he asked for another verse under his pillow (that night it was Numbers 6:24-26). This morning he tells me (after a weekend away, and no bible verses under his pillow) that because he's afraid of the dark, he has been doing one of ...

Hello strangers :) It's been a long time.  When I take a break like this, unintentional as it is, it is hard to write again. I feel the need for a long intro, but I can't think of one, so I'm jumping into this post with a heavy question. How is your relationship with the Holy Spirit? Does He intimidate you? Do you feel close to Him? Can you feel Him work? Or do you read that first question and wonder "what the heck IS the Holy Spirit?" He has been rather elusive to me for many years. But about a month ago I was doing a bible study and came across some in-depth commentary on these verses from Luke 11:   9  And I tell you,  ask, and  it will be given to you;  seek, and you will find;  knock, and it will be opened to you.   10  For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.   11  What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give ...

I am *not* a Proverbs person. Last year I read through the bible in a year and so I had to venture through them all, and I did find some goodies that I had never read before! This one needs to be shared because those of you with kiddos may find some use in praying this over them. Daily! Saying 14 (note, I had NEVER known there were "sayings" in Proverbs!) My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad indeed. My inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right. (Proverbs 23:15-16) Let's move past the obvious - this is for daughter's too :).  At this point in my child's life...when what he is SEEING in the world doesn't align with God's "this is what you should do" list, those words are my hope. The actions of those around him, if followed, will lead to roads I pray with my whole heart that he avoids. But I believe in the power of the Word of God and because the words in saying 14 are my hope, I pray those two...

This post is long in coming...the idea was posed through Nicky Gumbel and the alpha series, AND I'm going to ask you to read a lot of Scripture first! Please take the time to read the following Scripture. My goodness, have you ever seen such a high maintenance post?! :) I give you John 13:6-17 6  He [Jesus] came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” 7  Jesus replied,  “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” 8  “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered,  “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” 9  “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” 10  Jesus answered,  “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean,  though not every one of you.”   11  For he knew who was going to betray him,  and that was why he said not every one...

It has been a week! My goodness! Are any of you in that boat too? I've had bad news. And then more bad news. And doors closing - or attempting to do such. And confrontation and I HATE confrontation. I've had tears and unexpected heart ache. But it's Sunday. At church we sang "King of my Heart" and I am always amazed (and blessed) to find that no matter what is going on in my life I can sing the words "You are good, good...you're never gonna let me down," and know they are true. The words have always been true. They will always be true. God is good. And he has never let me down. People who look at our lives from a non-Christian lens tend to see all the yuck as evidence that God has indeed, let us down. Never. People have let us down and circumstances don't always turn out how you'd like, but God has never broken a promise to you. It would go against His character to do so. The "yuck" as I like to call it always serves a purpose...

I'm starting this post with a prayer. Not to say I don't typically start out that way, because I do, but this one I'm writing out. Mainly because this isn't a post I want to write. I'm being led to and that always hurts!! Heavenly Father God, please use the Holy Spirit to guide my words. You are so good and I know I can trust that when I genuinely make that request, you will answer. Let not my words, but yours come out of these fingers. Lord, I pray for the person who needs to see this message. Lord, help their heart be open to change and let their walk model Yours. Help them set down any gift that isn't from You. In Jesus' name I pray these things. Going on two years ago now, something that I didn't think was good was referenced to as a gift from God...I had no rebuttal or defense at the time, nor have I had one until yesterday, when out of the blue, it seemed an answer appeared that needed to be shared. A gift FROM God will never ask you to walk AW...

Let's tie my two worlds together through song :) My son LOVES pop music. Much to this mama's chagrin. In my car it's rarely on, but he's into AJR, so I'm into AJR! My favorite song of theirs is Netflix Trip with my favorite line of: Who am I to wonder who I am? If those don't read like Christian lyrics, I don't know what does!! Now, onto the current Hillsong song: Who You say I am I am chosen...not forsaken. I am who you say I am. TADA! They fit together so beautifully, it's almost like they need a blog post :) (insert cheese face) When I wonder in terms of who I am and I'm stuck in a "world" mindset, I feel all kinds of not so good things. I feel like a failure as a wife (like, hello - I'm not even in that role anymore because I was so bad at it!), not so awesome as a mom, I have wasted my education (as the woman with a master's degree has chosen to stay home and teach her kiddo- which horrifies a lot of people) and t...