Wake up my Heart!

I was driving on my usual route between Kaukauna and Green Bay when I had the most audible conversation with the Lord 9 days ago. Actually, it was probably more of a "talking to," as I didn't say a word. God took about 30 seconds and totally changed my heart. You need a little background for this to make sense. For a long time my life has been supremely affected by a person I've never met. A person I've been panicked about meeting. A person whom my son has met of late...and I haven't known what to do with that! On my little drive, God said this: Your son is going to like this person. He may even love this person some day. And that is okay. You are going to be okay with that. Because he will still love you. But more than that, because I love you. I love you enough. My love IS enough. You're ready to meet. Your heart can take it. Because I love you. Enough. I am Enough. Do you believe this? That end part was the kicker. My favorite "I AM" state...

Some posts are hard to write because I know they're going to break my heart. This is one such post. But...when the Spirit nudges, you listen because it won't give up sometimes until I'm glued in front of my keyboard! The past week has had me pondering several times about something I seldom think about: the sadness of God. I focus so much on the loving side of Him sometimes, that I forget that he MUST be affected by the workings of this world. In my own little bubble, here's how I know the Holy Spirit in me is sad. I cry. But rather than a face scrunching, ugly cry, tears simply stream from my eyes and I can't stop them even if I wanted to. I think they are a gift. A gift that breaks my heart, but a gift. Last weekend I had them. After watching the movie Coco, my lovely little man told me the point of the movie was bringing family together. And then, that poor soul started to cry and told me he missed his family. "I miss you and me and daddy together" wer...

I'm writing this more for prosperity's sake and because I need to try and wrap my head around a conversation I just had with my seven year old. Mandisa's song "Bleed the Same" was playing in the car...my kiddo asks me what she is actually saying because he hears "We all be the same." I explained how it meant that regardless of skin color, or lots of other things really, we all bleed the same. On the inside, we are all the same. And then the zinger. He says, "We all look the same inside. Except our hearts." "Oh really?" Says I. "Yes," says he "because of sin. I'm talking on a spiritual level." AAAHHHHH!!! Our hearts all look different because of sin in the my mind of my baby. And I bet you that in the eyes of God, who can see the heart in a different light and who judges it's motivations, our hearts all DO look different. When I think of a heart full of sin, I think of black and decay instead o...

Ash Wednesday. This year on Valentine's Day, last year on March 1st, which happened to be my wedding anniversary. Both years it has fallen on a day that part of me was dreading and I'm so grateful :)  This year's message hit me even before service started. As I glanced through the program my heart dropped when I saw that Be Thou My Vision was on the play list. That song, in two pretty key moments of my marriage, signified meanings of "home." Once in regard to a home church and one solidifying that Nathan Sr was where I belonged. That he was my home...and that obviously hasn't worked out very well! So the song is hard for me to listen to. Until today. God has shown me many times over the last months that the things that are hardest for me to do are hard because my emotions are tied to the wrong things! Be Thou My Vision isn't about Nathan. At all! The lyrics show such desire for God to be our vision, our wisdom, our true word, our heart...that is wha...