Wake up my Heart!

The last few days I have felt guilty. Weight-bearing, soul-hurt, guilty. I have felt shame because my actions, past and future, are hurting my God. The one that I love. But the guilt was eating me up because rather than confess and get over it, the enemy was letting it just play over and over again in my head and my heart. As I was in tears on the phone, one of my favorite people in the world told me yesterday to pour out my soul to God. To repent, apologize for the hurt I've caused, to be sad for my actions that in my mind, held Jesus up on that cross for a few more seconds. But then to let it go. God doesn't want me to feel shame or doubt or guilt that doesn't end. Jesus died so that when God looks at me, he doesn't see me in light of my sin; he sees me in light of Jesus.  So I tried that. I confessed. And felt a little weight lifted. And then I went to church, where we had an amazing message on the Holy Spirit. Where we were given a challenge: to go DO something...

I was googling verses on bitterness this morning, because for the past several days I can feel it trying to take root. It's not a pleasant feeling. I wanted some perfect words on bitterness from Scripture. Instead of those, what do I find? Dear James says: " 17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness." But even starting with the positive is hard this morning. The thoughts. Picture this like the Grinch's distaste of the noise at the Who's Christmas: The thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, THOUGHTS! Of past situations I can't control. Of decisions that were made that can't be unmade. The heartbreak. The thoughts, gosh darn it, are trying to steal my joy. And the kicker? I'm human. No matter how many thoughts I think, no matter how many "what-ifs" I play out,...

Switching it up this morning to a place that I hope is lighthearted, but also may be in the land of a little "too-much-information." There are some days I wake up and the first thing I feel is blessed. This should be every day, but rarely do my thoughts go there immediately. However, every third or fourth day I wake up and change my bag. For those of you who don't know, I have an ileostomy and the maintenance occurs at those intervals. Some days I hate this task because it can be messy and frustrating. And some change days, the miracle of it blows my mind. As I work around the job, I am touching my small intestine. My small intestine. Bananas. It is crazy to me that the doctors are capable and the technology exists for me to LIVE with something that is supposed to be inside my body; outside of my body. It is a miracle. And sometimes when I pause to think about that crazy little thing, I am awed about God's plan for my life. If I had been born in this time, but in ...

Oh my goodness. How can there be no words and so many words at one time? Let's go back in time. When I was a baby Christian, 9.5 years ago, the first thing I wanted to memorize was Psalm 23. Something about those words brought me comfort. Always. I said them to myself before every medical procedure I have had since then...but those medical procedures are becoming few and far between (thankfully!) Fast forward. My son is memorizing Psalm 23 for AWANA...so it's fresh in my mind again. Stay forward. My Identity bible study is studying Jehovah Ra'ah (The Lord my Shepard) this week. Still forward. At church this morning (a different church...in a different state, mind you), we went over Psalm 23. Apparently, God is trying to tell me something. Of importance. So there are several things I am 100% certain of after this morning. 1) God IS my Shepherd 2) I am again, exactly where I needed to be (and odds are so slim I would be) 3) God can meet us anywhere we are becaus...

"Do not look for God to come in any particular way, but look for Him. That is the way to make room for Him. Expect Him to come, but do not expect Him only in a certain way. However much we may know God, the great lesson is to learn that at any minute He may break in. We are apt to overlook this element of surprise, yet God never works in any other way." (Oswald Chambers) It was quite revealing to read this a few days ago. Revealing because I do NOT typically expect God to come in as an element of surprise. I put Him in a box. A nice little God-box. I expect to find God in this box many times a day/week: through worship songs, reading the Word, praying, talking with friends, going to church, etc. And the awesome thing is that he DOES show up for me in this little God-box. But I believe he would show up even more if I threw away the box and expected him to just BE there. However. Wherever. Exactly as He wishes. I do the same thing for myself. I live in nice little Betsy-box...