The last few days I have felt guilty. Weight-bearing, soul-hurt, guilty. I have felt shame because my actions, past and future, are hurting my God. The one that I love. But the guilt was eating me up because rather than confess and get over it, the enemy was letting it just play over and over again in my head and my heart. As I was in tears on the phone, one of my favorite people in the world told me yesterday to pour out my soul to God. To repent, apologize for the hurt I've caused, to be sad for my actions that in my mind, held Jesus up on that cross for a few more seconds. But then to let it go. God doesn't want me to feel shame or doubt or guilt that doesn't end. Jesus died so that when God looks at me, he doesn't see me in light of my sin; he sees me in light of Jesus.
So I tried that. I confessed. And felt a little weight lifted. And then I went to church, where we had an amazing message on the Holy Spirit. Where we were given a challenge: to go DO something. To share some fruit that we have received from the Holy Spirit because we can't just keep gifts received bottled up - we need to SHOW them to the world :) Fruit has to grow! So here I sit, writing about the Holy Spirit - who I am just coming to appreciate.
D.L. Moody wrote, "You might as well try to hear without ears or breath without lungs, as try to live a Christian life without the Spirit of God in your heart." (from my trusty bulletin - I didn't find it!) I know we are given that gift, as believers, but I don't think about it often. I don't typically remember to pray for the Holy Spirit (who knows what God knows!) to open my eyes when I read the Bible, or to open my mouth when I talk to ANYONE or to open my heart to Truth. I don't really pray boldly, because I try to pray, most often, with my own words, of my own power. I am not intentional in growing the Spirit in me.
God has given us a gift of the Holy Spirit. We don't have to use it. It can just sit there. We can forget about it. We can let fear overtake us. We can let the enemy impress upon our thoughts, instead of letting the Spirit guide our way. We can lead fruitless lives. OR. We can pray that God will use the Holy Spirit in us to teach us wisdom, to help those who need it, to show us what we need to pray for (boldly), to show the world that what is important is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
What gift is in you? How can you grow it into fruit? How, my friend, can you learn from, use, and love the Spirit of God in your heart?
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