Wake up my Heart!

Friends. Since "D" day, if you will, I have been pretty rotten. It's like that day hit and I fell into a valley. Which doesn't really make any sense because up to that point I had been pursued by God like I have never been before. What happened? I happened. I don't think He stopped, I think my stubborn heart, which wants stupid things, got in the way of me noticing. Oswald Chambers would probably call me a "spiritual prig" for my thoughts, because he calls us all that, quite frequently! :) (note - this is a long post, if you want the short version - just scroll to the bottom!) But it's Thanksgiving, which could NOT come at a better time! Do you want to get out of a funk? Count your blessings. And then tell God about those blessings! My favorite song from my favorite Christmas movie has these lyrics: "If you're worried and you can't sleep, just count your blessings instead of sheep. Then you'll fall asleep counting your blessings....

Today was my "D" day. Divorce. I hate that word. I would hate it even if it was called something else. But it cannot be escaped! Today I've been grieving for that man and woman who walked down the aisle in that bed and breakfast 9.5 years ago. They're both gone. Replaced with people with "adult" experiences and a life that led us to a direction that wasn't on my original map. But this direction showed up on God's map for our lives because free will is a real and true thing. It is glorious and horrible. And with one choice comes many others. And so directions and roads show up where they didn't first exist. But where can they ALL lead? What does God want? Ultimately things to happen for his Glory. And so my road will lead there. In the most unexpected of ways; through something He hates. Divorce. For God's glory. If those two things don't really work together in your mind, I have an article that may be helpful (but you'd have to talk...

I don't often understand the concept of grace. It's been explained a million times, but it doesn't CLICK. I talk about. I know I have been given it. I know I don't deserve it. But what is it?! I still can't tell you clearly ;) but when I listen to the Sidewalk Prophets song "You Love me Anyway," for just a minute, I glimpse it. I am the thorn in your crown      But You love me anyway I am the sweat from Your brow      But You love me anyway I am the nail in Your wrist      But You love me anyway I am Judas' kiss      But You love me anyway See now I am the man who yelled out from the crowd For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground Yes then I turned away with a smile on my face With this sin in my heart, tried to bury Your grace And then alone in the night I still call out for You So ashamed of my life, my life, my life...But You love me anyway I weep. Not just cry; ugly weep just about every time I hear this so...