Wake up my Heart!

Most of this is from a post I didn't publish publicly back on March 6th. Apparently that was the last day I broke. As it happened again this Monday, I was searching for a quote from Ann Voskamp and found my own words from March: It was like my heart was choking. It couldn't breathe. And because it couldn't breathe; I couldn't breathe. So I fell apart and cried and I couldn't put myself back together again. Not even with all the King's men. Not right away. Ann Voskamp says it best: "Old scars can break open like fresh wounds and your unspoken broken can start to rip you wide open and maybe the essence of all the questions is: how in the holy name of God do you live with your one broken heart?" Heartbreak is a tricky thing. It sounds from the word like it could be a "once and done" kind of a thing. Like once your heart is broken, it simply IS broken, so it can't happen again (until, over time, it heals). However, even before it heals,...

It's been an interesting week. God started doing some digging in my life. Which is always good; but not always pain free :). It came to the forefront, that like most of you have discovered, forgiveness is hard. Forgiving others...and ourselves. And perhaps one of the reasons is because identifying the root of hurt is hard. We can't really forgive if we don't know what needs to be forgiven.We can't really let go when we don't know what we need to let go of. In some crazy way as I'm trying to figure this mess out, God started filling my heart and my mind with all these quibbles of his love and mercy and it was He, in his glorious love, that showed me what I was looking for. I keep hearing this voice tell me, "I never asked you to be be perfect. I never expected you to be perfect. You CAN'T be perfect. I never made you feel less-than, or not enough. I knit you together in your mother's womb. I sent my son to DIE for you. I fought for you. I wanted yo...

Today was a Monday. A normal homeschool day; with moments of true joy. My son narrated a story and I wrote it down. About a Little Mouse who went on a journey to three different habitats and ended up running away from a burrowing owl. He read a book about blood because honestly, he wanted to prove me wrong, but the point is he PICKED UP A BOOK and read it on his own. And this afternoon he was a little upset about spelling so he asked to play the piano. And then he made up a song and wrote it down so he can remember it. Ah, my heart. My 7.5 year old wrote a song :) How happy does it make me that he loves the piano and that it is an emotional outlet for him? Today was a Monday. A normal, screw-up-kind of day. I forgot to put something on the calendar that I should have done months ago. I yelled because my son wasn't being grateful enough for what he had...he always seems to want "more." I didn't finish my to-do list. Do I ever? Today was a Monday. A God-has-big-merc...