It's been an interesting week. God started doing some digging in my life. Which is always good; but not always pain free :). It came to the forefront, that like most of you have discovered, forgiveness is hard. Forgiving others...and ourselves. And perhaps one of the reasons is because identifying the root of hurt is hard. We can't really forgive if we don't know what needs to be forgiven.We can't really let go when we don't know what we need to let go of.
In some crazy way as I'm trying to figure this mess out, God started filling my heart and my mind with all these quibbles of his love and mercy and it was He, in his glorious love, that showed me what I was looking for. I keep hearing this voice tell me, "I never asked you to be be perfect. I never expected you to be perfect. You CAN'T be perfect. I never made you feel less-than, or not enough. I knit you together in your mother's womb. I sent my son to DIE for you. I fought for you. I wanted you to be born so you could be mine. I created you to be you, not somebody else. I love you."
This voice that I hear is sad. Heartbroken on my behalf because I have dealt with the lies of this world, telling me perfection is possible. The voice is sad because I sometimes focus so much on the feeling "less-than", the "not-enough", the "I'm-not-worth-fighting-for", that I forget about the one who made me. The one who knit me together in my mother's womb. The one who has never let me down or made me feel anything other than ridiculously loved.
And it was that voice that helped me see that it isn't so much that I need to forgive others; but that I need to ask forgiveness for myself. Because I believed the lies. Because my identity has been formed largely by things that are so "of this world" that God wasn't in the picture. Because I didn't look to see who I am, as a child of God, but instead tried to be the wife and woman I "thought" I should be. I've been stuck pretty much my whole life lacking in self confidence because I was trying to find my worth in things that were never going to pan out. I wanted to be defined by things that were never meant to define me.
There are so many verses that fill my spiritual cup and point me in the direction of the woman I should be. I think on my next post I will post several, and make my own words few, but here is what is on my heart this morning:
John 14:1: Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.
That's what needs to define me. My trust in Jesus. Who told me that my heart would WANT to be troubled, but that I shouldn't let it. Who verified that I can trust God. And that because I can trust God, I can trust Him as well. That's my bottom line. I can trust Jesus. I can trust the words he said, the Man that he was, the Savior that he IS. And from that trust I can learn all I need to know about the person I was created to be.
Here's my memo to all of you feeling slightly broken, or a little lacking in the area of self confidence today:
God loves you. He fights for you, even if no person does. He doesn't expect you to be perfect. He doesn't think you are less than; but that you are exactly enough. He wants you to learn who HE says you are. Not who the world or the people in it say you are. Trust Him.
In some crazy way as I'm trying to figure this mess out, God started filling my heart and my mind with all these quibbles of his love and mercy and it was He, in his glorious love, that showed me what I was looking for. I keep hearing this voice tell me, "I never asked you to be be perfect. I never expected you to be perfect. You CAN'T be perfect. I never made you feel less-than, or not enough. I knit you together in your mother's womb. I sent my son to DIE for you. I fought for you. I wanted you to be born so you could be mine. I created you to be you, not somebody else. I love you."
This voice that I hear is sad. Heartbroken on my behalf because I have dealt with the lies of this world, telling me perfection is possible. The voice is sad because I sometimes focus so much on the feeling "less-than", the "not-enough", the "I'm-not-worth-fighting-for", that I forget about the one who made me. The one who knit me together in my mother's womb. The one who has never let me down or made me feel anything other than ridiculously loved.
And it was that voice that helped me see that it isn't so much that I need to forgive others; but that I need to ask forgiveness for myself. Because I believed the lies. Because my identity has been formed largely by things that are so "of this world" that God wasn't in the picture. Because I didn't look to see who I am, as a child of God, but instead tried to be the wife and woman I "thought" I should be. I've been stuck pretty much my whole life lacking in self confidence because I was trying to find my worth in things that were never going to pan out. I wanted to be defined by things that were never meant to define me.
There are so many verses that fill my spiritual cup and point me in the direction of the woman I should be. I think on my next post I will post several, and make my own words few, but here is what is on my heart this morning:
John 14:1: Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.
That's what needs to define me. My trust in Jesus. Who told me that my heart would WANT to be troubled, but that I shouldn't let it. Who verified that I can trust God. And that because I can trust God, I can trust Him as well. That's my bottom line. I can trust Jesus. I can trust the words he said, the Man that he was, the Savior that he IS. And from that trust I can learn all I need to know about the person I was created to be.
Here's my memo to all of you feeling slightly broken, or a little lacking in the area of self confidence today:
God loves you. He fights for you, even if no person does. He doesn't expect you to be perfect. He doesn't think you are less than; but that you are exactly enough. He wants you to learn who HE says you are. Not who the world or the people in it say you are. Trust Him.
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