Wake up my Heart!

Oh...life! Yesterday I went to the visitation of Jan Vandehey...a lady of the Lord, if ever there was one. Just on Saturday, I found this card that she had given me in high school. She has already passed on at that point but I was unaware...I just came across it in a box! As part of a youth group - FROGISH (Friends Reaching Out to God In Spiritual Harmony), Jan and her husband Ken led us with spirit and love and oh...my memories of Jesus from high school all relate to those two. And Barb...who I was in line with for 30 minutes this afternoon. Such a blessing! Her passing means that Jan has gone from wishing everyone Jesus to BEING with Jesus! Jan couldn't cry because of a medical mishap...and I bet you when she saw Him, there were tears of Joy streaming down both of their faces! I am also AMAZED at the impeccable timing of this note...and the day I had yesterday. I was wondering how to move forward in something...and my answers are right here: I have the strength - step by s...

Psalm 46 tells us: "Be still and know that I am God." However, I ran across this quote the other day on my lovely FB feed and it seemed to fall directly in my heart! My last post was about opening my hand and giving God all the control. It was about me wanting to let go, so He can have it. Yet, in the days since writing that I have failed miserably! There are days I can embrace this "new" life and have hope, happiness and even excitement about where God is taking me. On other days, I am sad about this new direction of life because I look at what it lacks. Very specifically the person that it lacks. Although present, the relationship moving forward between us is so different that I can't recognize either of us in it... I haven't let go, I am holding on. After all this. No matter how many times I feel like I've let go, or that I'm trusting in the Lord like I'm supposed to, or that I'm satisfied in him...I still can't let go and r...

On Sunday at church as I was taking communion I was reminded of the practice my husband would go through pretty much every time he took communion. While waiting for the congregation to take the body together, he would hang on to a corner and let the rest soak up the juice. His point had been that the piece of bread you hold on to, CANNOT be washed over by the juice. That part we hold on isn't washed over by the blood. The part we hold on to is ours. It represents so many things. It could be sin. It could be desires for things. It could be something we are trying to control. Whatever it is, God can't reach it and Jesus can't fix it because we are holding it in a way that it is OURS and He can't get in. On Sunday it hit me in a new way as I was waiting for communion. God doesn't most of me, ignoring that one part. God wants all of me. So my hand was open, wide open, with the bread and I just prayed, "God, take it. Take all of me." I don't want to hol...

Strange post today...More like an entry from my personal journal than a devotional! This life is so crazy. Last night marks my last night in this house. Which I will miss a little. Mainly bible study time at my kitchen table looking outside. The street I will miss more. We have four sandhill cranes that live somewhere around here. Sometimes they are joined by two others. Of course there is Jack, our cardinal. Last week I even saw a bald eagle just chilling in a field. Not in a tree...grounded. It was amazing. Nature is what I see. Thankfully, nature IS everywhere :) But that's a tangent not needed other than for my memories! I sit here today, feeling more hopeful than sad. I started out this year wanting to learn my identity through the Lord. Who am I? Not based on world standards, but who does God say I am? I think I'm progressing there...and now am starting to move on to the next phase: being wholly satisfied in the Lord. It's all over the Bible. I know it's pos...

Good morning! Since my bible study on Monday night, I have been thinking about Matthew 23:37-39: Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself." If you are not familiar, this is Jesus' response to the question - what is the greatest commandment? Life is complicated. God is not complicated. Well, on one hand you could say He is the most complex being EVER in the history of what was, is, and is to be; but on the other, He lays out his desires for us in the most simple of steps. 1) Love Him 2) Love your neighbor. It's a simple thing really. Look at what you are doing. Is it nice? Is it how you would treat yourself? Yes; fantastic! Keep going. Same thing with God. Look at what you are doing (but here, add, what are you thinking but not saying). Is it loving? Does it show God's love? Yes; f...

What fun! As part of my homework for a bible study, I had to write a Psalm, based on Psalm 23. At first I was a little intimidated, but I LOVED it! You should try it sometime my loves! Here you go. A Psalm. Ish. :) The Lord is my help, He guides me when I seek him. He sees me and allows me to rest, He leads me to peace that transcends all understanding. His word is Truth. It restores my soul. As my Guide, he shows me the right paths to take Because He is Holy and would like me to be the same. Troubles are in this world, but our God has overcome them. Therefore I will fear nothing the world can throw at me. God is with me. As my Rock and my Strength, and my Shepherd – He comforts me. Suffering brings me closer to God And rather than fear the future Or wish harm upon those who would harm me, I will trust the Lord to see me through this life and truly believe I will find Joy in Him. Of one thing I’m certain: My eternity is with the Lord. And d...

On Saturday, I tried to explain to my son how my heart feels when I myself feel in tune with the Holy Spirit. It feels full, almost to bursting. It's happy. I can't help but smile when I feel it. This usually occurs when I'm singing worship tunes in the car, at church, or really focused in the morning...It's been happening more and more and I love it. It reminds me of the "high" if you will, I used to get at music concerts with all those people, singing the same thing, feeling totally in tune with each other. This being in tune with my creator is exponentially better :)  But it's not a constant. I would LOVE for it to be constant. Sunday,  however, unexpectedly, I had a mini panic attack. It was like my heart was choking. It couldn't breathe. And because it couldn't breathe; I couldn't breathe. So I fell apart and cried and I couldn't put myself back together again. Not even with all the King's men. Not right away.  Ann Voskamp sa...

Heavenly Father; thank you. I can count on one hand the times I have grasped the idea of peace that transcends all understanding and today was one of those times. Today. ALL day. What an answered prayer, as all over my journal from this year (yes, just January) are questions about if God can really give me this peace he speaks of...And I don't know what tomorrow looks like, but this will help serve as a reminder it's possible! Today is my 9th wedding anniversary. It is looking fairly certain that there is not going to be a 10th. For varying reasons, I think I can safely say there has been heartbreak on both sides. But there has also been growth. Crazy, God-driven growth. My husband led me to Christ and in some way I feel like since I have known him, my faith has been tied to his. Now I have had to claim my own. And claim it I have. Some by choice and some by force. I feel through this craziness, God said, "Do you trust me?" And I said yes. But I didn't mean it...