Skip to main content

Peace

Heavenly Father; thank you. I can count on one hand the times I have grasped the idea of peace that transcends all understanding and today was one of those times. Today. ALL day. What an answered prayer, as all over my journal from this year (yes, just January) are questions about if God can really give me this peace he speaks of...And I don't know what tomorrow looks like, but this will help serve as a reminder it's possible!

Today is my 9th wedding anniversary. It is looking fairly certain that there is not going to be a 10th. For varying reasons, I think I can safely say there has been heartbreak on both sides.

But there has also been growth. Crazy, God-driven growth. My husband led me to Christ and in some way I feel like since I have known him, my faith has been tied to his. Now I have had to claim my own. And claim it I have. Some by choice and some by force. I feel through this craziness, God said, "Do you trust me?" And I said yes. But I didn't mean it. Then there was a little more heartbreak and another call - "Do you trust me?" "Yes, Lord." And I let go of a little something. Insert still other heartbreak and another call, "Betsy, do you trust me?" (repeat about 10 times) and then you have me, in tears, broken, saying YES, LORD. Having reached the bottom (hopefully), I finally mean it. By no means do I think this is how it works for everyone, this breaking and bottoming out...I'm just stubborn and like to be in control...and plan...and, and, and!

I don't know what my future holds. My life has few certainties; as one could argue, do all lives. The one thing I do know is God loves me. This messed up, imperfect, sin-natured, woman. He has gifted me with His Spirit and that Spirit is growing. He has blessed me with an amazing son whose inquisitive nature and smile light up my world. He has blessed me with family and friends. Amazing women, God-loving, Scripture-speaking, soul-supporting women of all ages, walks of life, and locations.

God has gifted me with words of praise. He has made it known that He sees me. He guides me. He is my Rock and my Strength (Psalm 18). My help (Psalm 40). He will make sure that goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in His house FOREVER (Psalm 23).

I trust Him. I do. Remind me of that if I forget because I don't expect this road I'm on to be smooth or straight, for "who can straighten what He has made crooked?" (Ecclesiastes 7:13). I just know there is a Spirit inside my heart and a Savior on the road. Behind me, beside me and in front of me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love you Lord (Psalm 100:2)

Scripture of the Day: Psalm 100:2  Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Starting last fall, my husband began singing the song "I Love you Lord," to our kiddo before he went to bed, as a lullaby of sorts. The lyrics are simple: I love you Lord, and I lift my voice to worship you, oh my soul rejoice! Take joy, my King, in what you hear, may it be a sweet, sweet, sound in your ear. It has since become a very popular song in our house! We sing it before nap time, bed time, and I hum it when sometimes when our little guy is upset or over tired. I love singing it slow and asking him to sing with me – at this point he knows most of the words and there is really nothing sweeter than hearing that little voice sing “I yuv you yord,”  (no “r’s” yet you see)! The song has also worked it's way into my personal worship of the Lord. The words are meant for Him to hear and I think he loves to hear them sung! I find that singing that j...
2 comments
Read more

What is Your Lie?

By now, you should know I like songs. I like Christian songs because their words don't put any "yuck" in my head and I don't have to worry about what little ears are taking in when they are on! Some touch me deep and here are the lyrics to part of a new favorite: Reckless Love by Cory Asbury There's no shadow you won't light up, Mountain you won't climb up Coming after me... There's no wall you won't kick down, Lie you won't tear down, Coming after me... Friends. Focus on that last point: There's no lie God won't tear down. What is your lie? What lie, or even lies, do you believe about yourself? What lies run over and over in your head until they don't feel like lies anymore? What hurts have you told yourself you deserve? What unkindness have you accepted as your due? What actions have you justified for others? What fault have you accepted that really isn't yours? What forgiveness have you felt unworthy of? I'm...
1 comment
Read more

From the mouth's of babes

I'm writing this more for prosperity's sake and because I need to try and wrap my head around a conversation I just had with my seven year old. Mandisa's song "Bleed the Same" was playing in the car...my kiddo asks me what she is actually saying because he hears "We all be the same." I explained how it meant that regardless of skin color, or lots of other things really, we all bleed the same. On the inside, we are all the same. And then the zinger. He says, "We all look the same inside. Except our hearts." "Oh really?" Says I. "Yes," says he "because of sin. I'm talking on a spiritual level." AAAHHHHH!!! Our hearts all look different because of sin in the my mind of my baby. And I bet you that in the eyes of God, who can see the heart in a different light and who judges it's motivations, our hearts all DO look different. When I think of a heart full of sin, I think of black and decay instead o...
1 comment
Read more