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Advocate

Here's another post on a glimpse into my soul :)

My whole life I have had self-esteem issues. Not because anything particular happened, I've just never been over-confident, or really even confident of much. This is one of the reasons that thoughts of this new "single" life have scared me. Nathan was my advocate. When I didn't have the confidence to speak up - in regards to so many things, he would speak up for me.

When this all started to go down, that was a big fear of mine. My biggest advocate was going away. How was I going to get over that? How was I going to lose my advocate and somehow GAIN confidence? Wouldn't I just instead, enter a downward slope that led to even less confidence? Isn't that what the enemy was hoping?

Let's have God enter the picture and see how things change :). When He isn't in the picture, all those negative questions are so loud in my head I can't move. But when he IS in the picture, it all seems to get better. During the course of this year, I did a Lysa Terkeurst bible study calling Finding I AM (which is amazing!). In that study I learned a name for the Holy Spirit I hadn't heard before. Advocate.

What that means to me is this: I haven't lost my biggest advocate. He's inside me. I call upon the name of that Advocate when I'm having trouble or when I need assurance. And because that Advocate is inside; I am able to see myself as my own Advocate. For the first time EVER. And maybe I wasn't supposed to develop this sense of security in myself...or my husband. Maybe I was supposed to discover that what I was looking for could only be found when instead of looking for IT, I was looking for the Lord...

My God loves me. As I near the end of this journey, I am closer to Him than I have ever been. I am dependent in a way that is new; but glorious. I may even be gaining the ability to tell others that I am confident in the Lord and because of that, I am confident in myself.

If you are reading this, know that I am praying that you take some time to really focus on the Holy Spirit as your Advocate. If you, like me, lack confidence in yourself and what this world has to offer, revel in the fact that the Creator of the Universe has your back. He sent his son to die for YOU. He sent his Holy Spirit to fight for YOU. He loves YOU. He wants a relationship with YOU, and when you seek that relationship, He, and only He, will become your biggest advocate; in turn helping you become an advocate for yourself. Praise the Lord!


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