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After this weekend, I have a new appreciation for the saying, "God's not finished with me yet!" I had a weird week. Got some stuff bubbling and brewing and I was getting ready to fast in prayer about all that bubbling and brewing. Me. Fast. For years my digestive system was my excuse, but last week I had two different devotions talk about it and I took the hint. I was all set and I had some specific questions ready to go for the Lord. I had them "prepared" if you will.

And then. There's always an "and then" :). I went to church yesterday morning and as the good Lord spoke to me about some things I realized the reason I wasn't getting any answers about my "stuff" was because I was asking the WRONG questions. 

All week I was prepared to pray during this fast to answer a lot of things that started with, "How can I?" And then yesterday was reminded it should be, "God, will YOU?" I need to get myself out of the equation of all my stuff. If my question to God is, "How can I?" it implies all kinds of things. 1) I still want to be in control of the fixing. 2) I don't TOTALLY trust God to take care of it. 3) I like to meddle. 

Mind you, all of those things are true! And that hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that although I have come leaps and bounds with trusting my God with MY life; I do not have that same level of trust when it comes to life situations dealing with other humans. Specifically my son. I like to hold that one with a tight reign! This mama bear sometimes has a death grip.

And I can't. I can't control my life; or his. You can't control yours either.

So, I surrendered. Without fasting ;). Because, as my pastor mentioned yesterday, some things we just know in our "knower." Here's what I know - as Paul has prayed - that I am, "rooted and firmly established in LOVE, and that I may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love the surpasses knowledge--that I may be filled with to the measure of all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:17-19)

It is because of this being rooted in love that I realized instead of asking God how I can "fix" the yuck, I instead need to pray that HE intercedes. That HE works on hearts. That HE helps me wait. That HE helps me love the ones I would really rather not.

After all. God IS love. And his love is so 3D (see above for the wide and long and high and deep thing) that we can't even comprehend it. And that love HAS to be enough to know what is best for my son. More than I do. Moreover, that love, lives in me. That love is represented in my inner being, by the Holy Spirit and that love is Christ, in me! And on the occasion when I can get myself out of the way enough - He talks to me...He shows me how to have a love that doesn't make sense when I think about the world. He shows me how to pray for what ACTUALLY needs to be prayed for. He shows me a love that on my good days, I understand just a fraction of. He shows me how to trust.

I am so stinkin' grateful for that love. And for the fact that I'm beginning to learn - again - that the unanswered prayers are more often than not unanswered because I'm asking or demanding... the wrong things. A lot of the time, I would be in a much better place if I could just get myself out the way. Like really far out of the way and just let Him work :) He doesn't just have the situation and me...he has all situations and every last one of us. 

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