Wake up my Heart!

I'm writing this more for prosperity's sake and because I need to try and wrap my head around a conversation I just had with my seven year old. Mandisa's song "Bleed the Same" was playing in the car...my kiddo asks me what she is actually saying because he hears "We all be the same." I explained how it meant that regardless of skin color, or lots of other things really, we all bleed the same. On the inside, we are all the same. And then the zinger. He says, "We all look the same inside. Except our hearts." "Oh really?" Says I. "Yes," says he "because of sin. I'm talking on a spiritual level." AAAHHHHH!!! Our hearts all look different because of sin in the my mind of my baby. And I bet you that in the eyes of God, who can see the heart in a different light and who judges it's motivations, our hearts all DO look different. When I think of a heart full of sin, I think of black and decay instead o...

Ash Wednesday. This year on Valentine's Day, last year on March 1st, which happened to be my wedding anniversary. Both years it has fallen on a day that part of me was dreading and I'm so grateful :)  This year's message hit me even before service started. As I glanced through the program my heart dropped when I saw that Be Thou My Vision was on the play list. That song, in two pretty key moments of my marriage, signified meanings of "home." Once in regard to a home church and one solidifying that Nathan Sr was where I belonged. That he was my home...and that obviously hasn't worked out very well! So the song is hard for me to listen to. Until today. God has shown me many times over the last months that the things that are hardest for me to do are hard because my emotions are tied to the wrong things! Be Thou My Vision isn't about Nathan. At all! The lyrics show such desire for God to be our vision, our wisdom, our true word, our heart...that is wha...

It has been a while. You may not have missed me...but I think I have missed me :)  At the end of last year I told myself that for this year 2018, I am officially NOT on the market. I am not whole. Not by a long shot. And I really DO NOT want a man to fill that void, I want God to fill it. I want to be whole in Him and then see what happens after that. But you guys. 2 weeks in to 2018 and I got lonely. Not, I "need a friend" lonely...I got, "I miss having a man," lonely. Conversations with men are different, companionship is different. I was commiserating about this to a sweet friend and her response was wonderful - she said, "You are not going to want to hear this, but what an answer to prayer!" Excuse me?! Well, friends, apparently asking to be complete in the Lord is like praying for patience...you better be careful! :) I needed to feel lonely because I need to be filled up! And what was my hope for the year? To learn to be filled up and made ...