It has been a while. You may not have missed me...but I think I have missed me :)
At the end of last year I told myself that for this year 2018, I am officially NOT on the market. I am not whole. Not by a long shot. And I really DO NOT want a man to fill that void, I want God to fill it. I want to be whole in Him and then see what happens after that.
But you guys. 2 weeks in to 2018 and I got lonely. Not, I "need a friend" lonely...I got, "I miss having a man," lonely. Conversations with men are different, companionship is different. I was commiserating about this to a sweet friend and her response was wonderful - she said, "You are not going to want to hear this, but what an answer to prayer!"
Excuse me?! Well, friends, apparently asking to be complete in the Lord is like praying for patience...you better be careful! :) I needed to feel lonely because I need to be filled up! And what was my hope for the year? To learn to be filled up and made whole in the Lord. Funny how He works, isn't it?
After the longest introduction ever, here is my point: this has shed a whole lot of light on a bible verse that I love, but have never understood the end. Until now! Ephesians 3:17-19
...and that the Messiah may dwell in your hearts through faith. I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the length and width, height and depth of God's love, and to know the Messiah's love that surpasses knowledge, so you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
I grasped all that stuff about how much God loves us (or so I thought) but that last part "so you may be filled with all the fullness of God..." threw me off! What did Paul mean - filled with fullness? To be honest, I was annoyed with the use of "filled" and "fullness" so close together. But then the light bulb. Then...God! The reason for all that love that I thought I understood? So that we can be filled up with it. So that love can fill us up: from our top to our bottom, from our heart to our skin. And when we are that full...that full of love...THEN we are filled with the fullness of God. He has done the filling. All the way to the tippy top. Not with another person; but with Himself. In the form of His son and, Himself - who IS love!
So this year, I need to focus on soaking up that love! I need to relish in being filled up in a way I have never been filled up before. I need to take loneliness as a sign, not that I need to search for another relationship, but that I need to get my cup (and self) filled in a different way. I need to grasp onto that love that surpasses knowledge and let that grow. And maybe, maybe, after this filling, a relationship is in my future. Or maybe not. But I'll be okay either way because I am determined to fill up on this love that doesn't run out!
This post is very me focused, and I'm sorry...so here's my hoped take away for you: Whether married, divorced, widowed, or always single; look to God's love to fill you up. He is the only one who a) has the capacity to love you as much as you deserve and b) his love NEVER runs out and c) he created you so that He COULD love you. Let Him in! :) Let him fill you up in a way He always intended, but perhaps in a way you thought there wasn't room for...You've got room for your spouse to love you and your children and family and friends to love you...AND for God to love you too. Most of all, you've got room for that! If you think you don't have room for Him..I pray you find it!
Love you ladies!
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