Wake up my Heart!

Here is something you should all know about me by now. I LOVE worship songs. I love songs. Period. But the ones that make my hands turn up to the Lord are my favorite. This Advent season, I've got a new one! Parents: if you do not have your children listen to Slugs and Bugs; please change that. They have fun/crazy/silly songs and 4 straight up - sing the bible - CDs. I am a new owner of their Family Christmas CD and I have had one song on repeat for 2 days. Ready for the lyrics? They are simple: Galatians 4:4-7 (here's a link to song snippets from the CD - you want song number two for a one minute clip which will leave you wanting more! https://slugsandbugs.com/products/sing-the-bible-family-christmas ) When the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, Born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons and because you are sons... God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying ...

My son has this new saying. “Mom do you know what I do? I DO love you!” I love it. It so very accurately portrays love as an action verb. Which I have come to realize, it is. I also work for an organization where the motto really is “Love is a verb”, further defined in a way I think we are meant to compare to the fruits of the Spirit: Patient, humble, respectful, honest, kind, selfless, forgiving, committed. This means it is my job to love people. Can I tell you how wonderful it is to go to work and pray that during my shift I can best show love to the people I am serving?! On my drive, I make a choice. To love when it’s hard. And for the first time I really get Paul’s message in Corinthians. It is not that love is patient or kind. It is that when you DO love; patience IS the love. Kindness is the love. When you forget the wrongs, you are DOING the love. It's hard to put it into words, but there is a difference in loving passively and DOING love. Love is a ver...

This past week, I was in Illinois, quite unexpectedly and had the joy of attending the annual GOYA Ministries benefit. This ministry is near and dear to my heart and my past life and my present life are all crazily intermingled in it. The theme was "what if" and although obviously this was all in reference to how GOYA ministries has helped so many and how it will continue to do so, a couple of those what if comments have been with me, rambling as my thoughts so often do, since Tuesday! In 2011, tragedy hit Mitumba, a slum in Kenya. And here's the take away they presented: what if what the enemy meant for destruction, we could rebuild for hope? What if we have to be broken to be made better? Friends, I don't know what it's like to lose EVERYTHING. In my own life, here as a privileged white person in America, I cannot even begin to comprehend how destroyed and broken Mitumba (and it's people) were in 2011. But I know how broken and destroyed I was from S...

This is for you. You know who you are! Here's my story, concisely and truthfully.  If you asked me if I was a Christian my whole life I would have told you yes. I was Catholic. I knew who Jesus was. The end.  But then I realized that being Catholic doesn't HAVE to mean you are a Christian. It just means you are Catholic. You have to have a relationship with Jesus Christ to be a Christian...and I was missing that piece. And I was aching for it...I just didn't know it.  When I was 25 I became a Christian. I loved the Lord. But my faith was somehow tied to the man who led me to it (the father of my son).  I grew as a Christian during my married life, yes....but I still somehow had a God-shaped hole in my life. I tried to fit my husband in that spot...but he didn't fit. So, after he left my life (in the role of husband anyway), I had ANOTHER hole. Bigger than before. Something had to fill it. I didn't really think that it needed to be Jesus, bec...

Have I told you that I love John? The apostle John. Author John. To some he may seem flowery and repetitive. To me, his words continue to open doors I didn't know were closed :) I'm attempting to memorize 1 John. In weird order, I have done the first chapter and now I'm almost done with the 4th. And learning this book, verse by verse is amazing. When I read normally, I take a chapter (or even Book) at a time and I don't look at the small things. Today I memorized one verse that moved something I thought was heart knowledge into ACTUAL heart knowledge!! 1 John 4:17: In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like him. But now I feel foolish with all this talk of one verse, because you need context there! Let's bring in verses 15-16: "Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is...

Here's another Nathan post...I do wonder if when he's older he will ever see all these posts that revolve around him! In the last week, my son has been having some sleeping problems. Due to bad dreams (1 night) and an increased fear of the dark. That fear has led to some amazing things. He asked Christ into his heart last Monday night...because he was afraid. He has asked Christ into his heart before...but it's been led by me or others. This was all on him and the effects are different. And amazing. The next night, I wrote out my favorite night-time verse: Psalm 4:8 "When I lie down, I go to sleep in peace; you alone, O LORD, keep me perfectly safe." I put it under his pillow while he slept. The next night he was at my place, he asked for another verse under his pillow (that night it was Numbers 6:24-26). This morning he tells me (after a weekend away, and no bible verses under his pillow) that because he's afraid of the dark, he has been doing one of ...

Hello strangers :) It's been a long time.  When I take a break like this, unintentional as it is, it is hard to write again. I feel the need for a long intro, but I can't think of one, so I'm jumping into this post with a heavy question. How is your relationship with the Holy Spirit? Does He intimidate you? Do you feel close to Him? Can you feel Him work? Or do you read that first question and wonder "what the heck IS the Holy Spirit?" He has been rather elusive to me for many years. But about a month ago I was doing a bible study and came across some in-depth commentary on these verses from Luke 11:   9  And I tell you,  ask, and  it will be given to you;  seek, and you will find;  knock, and it will be opened to you.   10  For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.   11  What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give ...

I am *not* a Proverbs person. Last year I read through the bible in a year and so I had to venture through them all, and I did find some goodies that I had never read before! This one needs to be shared because those of you with kiddos may find some use in praying this over them. Daily! Saying 14 (note, I had NEVER known there were "sayings" in Proverbs!) My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad indeed. My inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right. (Proverbs 23:15-16) Let's move past the obvious - this is for daughter's too :).  At this point in my child's life...when what he is SEEING in the world doesn't align with God's "this is what you should do" list, those words are my hope. The actions of those around him, if followed, will lead to roads I pray with my whole heart that he avoids. But I believe in the power of the Word of God and because the words in saying 14 are my hope, I pray those two...

This post is long in coming...the idea was posed through Nicky Gumbel and the alpha series, AND I'm going to ask you to read a lot of Scripture first! Please take the time to read the following Scripture. My goodness, have you ever seen such a high maintenance post?! :) I give you John 13:6-17 6  He [Jesus] came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” 7  Jesus replied,  “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” 8  “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered,  “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” 9  “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” 10  Jesus answered,  “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean,  though not every one of you.”   11  For he knew who was going to betray him,  and that was why he said not every one...

It has been a week! My goodness! Are any of you in that boat too? I've had bad news. And then more bad news. And doors closing - or attempting to do such. And confrontation and I HATE confrontation. I've had tears and unexpected heart ache. But it's Sunday. At church we sang "King of my Heart" and I am always amazed (and blessed) to find that no matter what is going on in my life I can sing the words "You are good, good...you're never gonna let me down," and know they are true. The words have always been true. They will always be true. God is good. And he has never let me down. People who look at our lives from a non-Christian lens tend to see all the yuck as evidence that God has indeed, let us down. Never. People have let us down and circumstances don't always turn out how you'd like, but God has never broken a promise to you. It would go against His character to do so. The "yuck" as I like to call it always serves a purpose...

I'm starting this post with a prayer. Not to say I don't typically start out that way, because I do, but this one I'm writing out. Mainly because this isn't a post I want to write. I'm being led to and that always hurts!! Heavenly Father God, please use the Holy Spirit to guide my words. You are so good and I know I can trust that when I genuinely make that request, you will answer. Let not my words, but yours come out of these fingers. Lord, I pray for the person who needs to see this message. Lord, help their heart be open to change and let their walk model Yours. Help them set down any gift that isn't from You. In Jesus' name I pray these things. Going on two years ago now, something that I didn't think was good was referenced to as a gift from God...I had no rebuttal or defense at the time, nor have I had one until yesterday, when out of the blue, it seemed an answer appeared that needed to be shared. A gift FROM God will never ask you to walk AW...

Let's tie my two worlds together through song :) My son LOVES pop music. Much to this mama's chagrin. In my car it's rarely on, but he's into AJR, so I'm into AJR! My favorite song of theirs is Netflix Trip with my favorite line of: Who am I to wonder who I am? If those don't read like Christian lyrics, I don't know what does!! Now, onto the current Hillsong song: Who You say I am I am chosen...not forsaken. I am who you say I am. TADA! They fit together so beautifully, it's almost like they need a blog post :) (insert cheese face) When I wonder in terms of who I am and I'm stuck in a "world" mindset, I feel all kinds of not so good things. I feel like a failure as a wife (like, hello - I'm not even in that role anymore because I was so bad at it!), not so awesome as a mom, I have wasted my education (as the woman with a master's degree has chosen to stay home and teach her kiddo- which horrifies a lot of people) and t...

Well, this may be a creepy post! At small group tonight all of a sudden this pressing thought just imposed on my brain and it won't get out. What if I died tomorrow? Would my son know the things that I pray for him? Does anyone? Would those who know, tell him? I don't know! And he's only 8 and 8 is too young for some things to penetrate! Hopefully, I won't really kick the bucket tomorrow, but if I do then, or even years from now, somebody out there -- guide my son to this page when he can understand it. I do presume the Internet will be around for quite a while and words will live on! :) From here on out, this is for my baby and I'm just touching on the important things, otherwise I would never stop typing! Last year, shortly after your dad and I separated, I came across this verse in Jeremiah: "I will give them singleness of heart and action so that they will always fear me and that all will then go well for them and for their children after them (32:3...

Warning: cheesy post. Like the kind of story you hear on the radio and it annoys you a little bit? But sometimes God uses the cheese to teach you a point! :) (Note - I wrote this post - like actually WROTE on paper while I was on vacation with no computer access and I'm not changing my timing words!) This morning I got up at 5am to watch the sunrise and find shells along the ocean closer to low tide. We got there and 1) it was cloudy. 2) I couldn't find what I was looking for - a large shell, preferably with purple on/in it and 3) it was too bloody early! And then all of a sudden, I felt like God said, "Betsy, stop and look down." And do you know what I saw? Tiny, perfect, immaculate, beautiful - WHOLE shells - and tiny stones. Tons of them. Somehow, to me, their amazingness (that's not a word, but it should be!) in their tininess was more miraculous than if I had found a huge shell that met my purple requirement :) tiny shells as far as the eye could ...

Well...what a glorious life this is :) I had written a post a few months ago about a miracle that took place on a 10 minute drive...well, here's a post about another one. That happened not so quickly. I'd guess over the course of a couple of years, but it happened so gradually that I got a snippet of it a few months ago and really grasped it only last week. Confession: I was a pessimist. It was much easier to expect the bad and be pleasantly surprised when it didn't happen than to expect the good and be disappointed and sad. However. I realized that anytime anyone says something now that is negative, my brain ALWAYS flips it to the positive. I think my baby pointed it out a while back, telling me I was one of the most positive people he knew...(WHA??!) and then it hit me hard last week. I'm an optimist. Holy schnikes. With other people and even with myself and my future. That is bananas! Or perhaps not so bananas, because God is good and does indeed grant us the des...

By now, you should know I like songs. I like Christian songs because their words don't put any "yuck" in my head and I don't have to worry about what little ears are taking in when they are on! Some touch me deep and here are the lyrics to part of a new favorite: Reckless Love by Cory Asbury There's no shadow you won't light up, Mountain you won't climb up Coming after me... There's no wall you won't kick down, Lie you won't tear down, Coming after me... Friends. Focus on that last point: There's no lie God won't tear down. What is your lie? What lie, or even lies, do you believe about yourself? What lies run over and over in your head until they don't feel like lies anymore? What hurts have you told yourself you deserve? What unkindness have you accepted as your due? What actions have you justified for others? What fault have you accepted that really isn't yours? What forgiveness have you felt unworthy of? I'm...

I feel like you know the story will be good when it starts with, "I've got this tattoo..." :) Just kidding...but I DO have this tattoo...on my left shoulder blade and it says "What God has joined, let no man tear apart." I've been struggling with those words in recent years because in my life, what God has joined, man DID tear apart. And yet, I have never wanted to cover up those words because I still believe them. Wholeheartedly. And until a little epiphany at church today I didn't get it... Why don't I want those words laser removed? Or changed? Or covered up? Because those words apply to anything and everything that God has joined together. Those little gems are from this site: https://www.studylight.org/commentary/mark/10-9.html. Thanks to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, in our lives, what has God joined? Himself and yourself. And what can no man tear apart? Himself and yourself. I think there you have it. The words are true. And truth, once...

Well, this is a few days late, but I didn't take the time to write over the holiday weekend! Last Friday I attended the "Last Seven Words of Christ" service. I love, love, love this service! Every year in Bloomington, Illinois, seven different preachers (from seven different churches) speak for seven minutes (not a second more) on one of the last seven phrases of Jesus Christ. The last time I attended, I was very pregnant. And man, did I have outlook on life at that point! I went into the service Friday with a crazy anticipation of expecting to find hope. And the Lord did not disappoint! :) I'm going to delve a little into the 1st, 4th and 7th phrases of Christ here: 1: Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing. Luke 23:33-34 4: My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Matthew 27:46-47 7: Father, into your hands I commit my spirit. Luke 23:46 Here's my favorite nugget from the service. At the beginning, on that cross, Jesus was still w...

I was driving on my usual route between Kaukauna and Green Bay when I had the most audible conversation with the Lord 9 days ago. Actually, it was probably more of a "talking to," as I didn't say a word. God took about 30 seconds and totally changed my heart. You need a little background for this to make sense. For a long time my life has been supremely affected by a person I've never met. A person I've been panicked about meeting. A person whom my son has met of late...and I haven't known what to do with that! On my little drive, God said this: Your son is going to like this person. He may even love this person some day. And that is okay. You are going to be okay with that. Because he will still love you. But more than that, because I love you. I love you enough. My love IS enough. You're ready to meet. Your heart can take it. Because I love you. Enough. I am Enough. Do you believe this? That end part was the kicker. My favorite "I AM" state...

Some posts are hard to write because I know they're going to break my heart. This is one such post. But...when the Spirit nudges, you listen because it won't give up sometimes until I'm glued in front of my keyboard! The past week has had me pondering several times about something I seldom think about: the sadness of God. I focus so much on the loving side of Him sometimes, that I forget that he MUST be affected by the workings of this world. In my own little bubble, here's how I know the Holy Spirit in me is sad. I cry. But rather than a face scrunching, ugly cry, tears simply stream from my eyes and I can't stop them even if I wanted to. I think they are a gift. A gift that breaks my heart, but a gift. Last weekend I had them. After watching the movie Coco, my lovely little man told me the point of the movie was bringing family together. And then, that poor soul started to cry and told me he missed his family. "I miss you and me and daddy together" wer...

I'm writing this more for prosperity's sake and because I need to try and wrap my head around a conversation I just had with my seven year old. Mandisa's song "Bleed the Same" was playing in the car...my kiddo asks me what she is actually saying because he hears "We all be the same." I explained how it meant that regardless of skin color, or lots of other things really, we all bleed the same. On the inside, we are all the same. And then the zinger. He says, "We all look the same inside. Except our hearts." "Oh really?" Says I. "Yes," says he "because of sin. I'm talking on a spiritual level." AAAHHHHH!!! Our hearts all look different because of sin in the my mind of my baby. And I bet you that in the eyes of God, who can see the heart in a different light and who judges it's motivations, our hearts all DO look different. When I think of a heart full of sin, I think of black and decay instead o...

Ash Wednesday. This year on Valentine's Day, last year on March 1st, which happened to be my wedding anniversary. Both years it has fallen on a day that part of me was dreading and I'm so grateful :)  This year's message hit me even before service started. As I glanced through the program my heart dropped when I saw that Be Thou My Vision was on the play list. That song, in two pretty key moments of my marriage, signified meanings of "home." Once in regard to a home church and one solidifying that Nathan Sr was where I belonged. That he was my home...and that obviously hasn't worked out very well! So the song is hard for me to listen to. Until today. God has shown me many times over the last months that the things that are hardest for me to do are hard because my emotions are tied to the wrong things! Be Thou My Vision isn't about Nathan. At all! The lyrics show such desire for God to be our vision, our wisdom, our true word, our heart...that is wha...

It has been a while. You may not have missed me...but I think I have missed me :)  At the end of last year I told myself that for this year 2018, I am officially NOT on the market. I am not whole. Not by a long shot. And I really DO NOT want a man to fill that void, I want God to fill it. I want to be whole in Him and then see what happens after that. But you guys. 2 weeks in to 2018 and I got lonely. Not, I "need a friend" lonely...I got, "I miss having a man," lonely. Conversations with men are different, companionship is different. I was commiserating about this to a sweet friend and her response was wonderful - she said, "You are not going to want to hear this, but what an answer to prayer!" Excuse me?! Well, friends, apparently asking to be complete in the Lord is like praying for patience...you better be careful! :) I needed to feel lonely because I need to be filled up! And what was my hope for the year? To learn to be filled up and made ...

After this weekend, I have a new appreciation for the saying, "God's not finished with me yet!" I had a weird week. Got some stuff bubbling and brewing and I was getting ready to fast in prayer about all that bubbling and brewing. Me. Fast. For years my digestive system was my excuse, but last week I had two different devotions talk about it and I took the hint. I was all set and I had some specific questions ready to go for the Lord. I had them "prepared" if you will. And then. There's always an "and then" :). I went to church yesterday morning and as the good Lord spoke to me about some things I realized the reason I wasn't getting any answers about my "stuff" was because I was asking the WRONG questions.  All week I was prepared to pray during this fast to answer a lot of things that started with, "How can I?" And then yesterday was reminded it should be, "God, will YOU?" I need to get myself out of the e...

This year, I'm taking on a fun journey through the New Testament and ONLY reading the words in Red. For those who may be unfamiliar, some versions of the bible have the words Jesus said, in red. I have one such bible and, as I think I'll be trying to grow closer to Jesus until the day I die, this seemed a good first step to that closeness. I'm in Matthew, chapter 4, where Jesus is being tempted by the devil. What has stood out to me for a WEEK now, because I keep playing the words over in my head, is not the temptation, but Jesus' final response to Satan. Jesus, at his weakest, goes through this crazy interaction with the devil. And Jesus uses the Words his Father gave him, as his weapon. Which is a pretty impressive weapon :). But after these 3 scenarios, Jesus is DONE and he says: "Away from me Satan!" And the devil goes away.  That's what I can't get out of my head. The devil goes away. Jesus doesn't tell him to "shoo" immediately....

First post of the year...and in what is becoming typical, it's not about what I had intended! A year and a half ago, I got a book called "Uninvited: Living loved when you feel less than, left out, and lonely - by Lysa TerKeurst. What a lot of "l's" :) Like most non fiction books, I started it, and stopped because who am I kidding - if I read, I want to escape my life and not have to be forced to think about it more. But tonight, I pulled it out, perused the table of contents and picked out a chapter called: When Our Normal Gets Snatched. The first topic was rejection and something I needed to read. I'm guessing some of you out there need to see it too! "It's like taking a photograph containing all the people we love and suddenly some of those people purposely cut themselves out of the picture. And the gaping hole left behind is in some ways worse than death. If their absence was caused by death, you would grieve their loss. But when their absence i...